Showing posts with label Rob Kitchin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rob Kitchin. Show all posts

Sunday, September 27, 2020

New book: Slow Computing: Why We Need Balanced Digital Lives

A BOOK ABOUT TAKING CONTROL OF OUR DIGITAL LIVES

By Rob Kitchin and Alistair Fraser

Digital technologies should be making life easier. And to a large degree they do, transforming everyday tasks of work, consumption, communication, travel and play. But they are also accelerating and fragmenting our lives affecting our well-being and exposing us to extensive data extraction and profiling that helps determine our life chances.

Is it then possible to experience the joy and benefits of computing, but to do so in a way that asserts individual and collective autonomy over our time and data?

Drawing on the ideas of the ‘slow movement’, Slow Computing sets out numerous practical and political means to take back control and counter the more pernicious effects of living digital lives.

1 Living Digital Lives (PDF)
2 Accelerating Life
3 Monitoring Life
4 Personal Strategies of Slow Computing
5 Slow Computing Collectively
6 An Ethics of Digital Care
7 Towards a More Balanced Digital Society
Coda: Slow Computing During a Pandemic (PDF)

ISBN 978-1529211269

Book website

Bristol University Press, £14.99; 20% discount (£11.99) at: Bristol University Press, or £9.75 if sign up for BUP newsletter

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Stumped published

Today marks the officially publication date of Stumped, my new screwball noir novel published by 280Steps. Here's the back cover blurb.

It is election time in Ireland and a lot more is about to change for Grant, a new arrival from England, and his wheelchair-bound friend Mary, than their political representatives.

Their friend, Sinead, has been kidnapped, and her brother, Pat, has disappeared. Charged with tracking them down, Grant and Mary are soon caught between a vicious Dublin gangster seeking the return of a valuable package and an ambitious politician determined to protect a secret that might harm his re-election prospects. To make matters worse, when someone they confront is found floating face down in the River Liffey, Inspector McGerrity Black, Dublin’s finest rockabilly cop, is soon hot on their trail. 


With election day looming and Sinead’s fingers turning up on a regular basis they race through County Kildare suburbia, Dublin’s saunas, Manchester’s gay village and rural Mayo, crossing paths with drag queen farmers, corrupt property developers, and sadistic criminal gang members, as they desperately seek a way to save themselves and their friends while all the time staying ahead of the law. 


I'm really delighted with the cover design and thankful to 280Steps, especially Kjetil Hestvedt, for all their work on the book.  I'm also very grateful to those that read beta-copies and those that provided advance reader quotes.  I'll share some of those over the coming days, but here's one from Gerard Brennan:

"This novel is frantic, fierce and fabulous. Skip the manicure before reading. Stumped is a head-scratching nail-biter that'll leave your fingers chewed down to the nub."

You can read a short extract at 280Steps.

You can pick up a copy at Amazon.co.uk or Amazon.com or other retailers.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Stumped - publisher announcement

My new novel 'Stumped' is to be published by 280Steps in November 2014.  I signed off on the cover yesterday and this morning the details are up on their website, along with some very nice advance review snippets.  I'm really pleased with the cover, which has a nod to the work of Saul Bass and is inspired by the old screwball noir comedies.  The publisher has done a great job on the editing the book and I'm looking forward to it hitting the shelves latter this year.  To my mind, Stumped is by far my best work to date, so it'll be interesting to see how its received.  Regular readers of the blog will know that the book was nameless for a while and I asked for suggestions.  Cian O'Callaghan supplied the title, so many thanks to him.  Roll on November!

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Stiffed published

My new novel, Stiffed, was published yesterday by Snubnose Press.  It's a screwball noir set in New England about a group of friends trying to get rid of a body and, in so doing, plunge themselves into more and more trouble.  The tagline is: 'Friends help you move, true friends help you move bodies', and the backcover blurb is below.  I'd like to give my heartfelt thanks to Brian Lindenmuth and R Thomas Brown at Snubnose for publishing the book, the latter in particular did a great job at guiding the book through editing and production and into reader's hands.  The fantastic cover was designed by Eric Beetner.  If you're looking for a couple of great noir reads then check out Ron and Eric's novels - Hill Country and The Devil Doesn't Want Me

You can buy Stiffed as:

an ebook: Amazon US and Amazon UK
a paperback: Amazon US and Amazon UK


Stiffed
 
Tadhg Maguire wakes to find himself spooning a dead man.  The stiff is Tony Marino, lieutenant to mobster Aldo Pirelli.  It doesn't matter how the local enforcer ended up between Tadhg’s sheets, Pirelli is liable to leap to the wrong conclusion and demand rough justice.

The right thing to do would be to call the cops.

The sensible thing to do would be to disappear.  Forever.

The only other option is to get rid of the body and pretend it was never there.  No body, no crime.

What he needs is a couple of friends to help dispose of the heavy corpse.  Little do Tadhg’s friends know what kind of reward they’ll receive for their selfless act – threatened, chased, shot at, and kidnapped with demands to return a million dollars they don’t possess.

By mid-afternoon Tadhg is the most wanted man in America.  Not bad for someone who’d never previously had so much as parking ticket.

If he survives the day he’s resigned to serving time, but not before he saves his friends from the same fate.


Sunday, May 20, 2012

Killer Reels published

My collection of interlinked short stories, Killer Reels, is now officially published and is available for purchase, priced $1.99/£1.28.

Jimmy Kiley is a keen amateur movie maker. He’s also the ruthless criminal boss of the north side of the city. When enforcing his own brand of law, he sees no reason why he shouldn’t mix business with pleasure. His kick is to provide a private viewing of his last venture to the star of the next. And his reluctant stars are only ever one hit wonders.

Killer Reels documents Kiley’s movie making through a collection of twelve interlinked short stories.

Eostre Press
ISBN (Mobi) 978-1-909165-00-7
ISBN (EPub) 978-1-909165-01-4

Buy
Amazon.com (Kindle, $1.99)
Amazon.co.uk (Kindle, £1.28)
Smashwords (Epub, Mobi, PDF, PDB, $1.99)


If you purchase the book, I hope that it provides an enjoyable read (and if it did, then please provide a review on Amazon/Goodreads, etc!). 

Many thanks to everyone who provided help and advice in getting the book to publication.  It was very much appreciated.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

A Nowhere Man

I spent part of Christmas day writing a piece of flash fiction - the idea was appealing enough that I had to let it unfold. Originally I was thinking that it might form the start of a short story, but now I'm wondering whether there's something more there. I thought I'd post the opening section and invite some critical feedback. I know it's difficult to judge a story on the opening gambit, but we all do it whilst browsing in a bookstore, so what I'm interested to know is whether this piques your interest. The story is set in 1924 in Ireland, immediately after independence and the civil war.


‘Harry? Harry!’ His pyjama top was sodden with sweat, his massive back twisting away from her gentle touch. ‘Harry, love.’

He woke with a start, momentarily lost, sucking in air.

‘You were having one of your nightmares,’ she explained, tugging him over onto his back.

His boyish face was ashen, unseeing, grey-blue eyes bloodshot. Nightmare seemed too tame a word for the hell he’d just re-lived. Great showers of soil and blood erupting all around, the thunder of artillery and the rattle of machine guns, the cries of the wounded and dying, the vicious tug of barbed wire, then the searing pain of shrapnel tearing through his left thigh, the brains of Private Conor Costello coating his face.

‘You alright, love?’

He blinked, his eyes darting left.

She was leaning up on her elbow, gazing down at him, wearing a once white, long sleeved nightdress. She pulled a tight, concerned smile and tucked a lock of her long, red hair behind an ear, moving a slender hand to his chest.

He let out a long sigh and swallowed hard, laying a huge hand over hers, giving it a light squeeze.
Costello had been eight years his senior, but he’d made the young officer promise that he’d take care of his wife and four children if he failed to make it back to Ireland. Harry Rutherford doubted that had meant sharing his wife’s bed, but things rarely turned out as Harry expected.

When he enrolled at Trinity College Dublin in September 1914 to study law, he’d expected the nascent hostilities with Germany and the Austro-Hungarians to be over by Christmas. When he dropped out of university before completing his first year of study to enlist in the Royal Dublin Fusiliers, he’d expected his father to be understanding and supportive. As a junior officer in the 8th Battalion, he’d expected war to be rational, honourable and heroic. During Easter 1916, as he choked on deadly chlorine gas at the Battle of Hulluch in Northern France, struggling to drag on his cumbersome gas mask, he’d expected that if he survived the mayhem and madness he would be returning to the Ireland he left. And when the shell exploded just a few feet in front of them as they advanced towards Ginchy in the Battle of the Somme, he’d expected to go the same way as poor Costello.

Instinctively, Harry moved his hand to his face as if to brush off the warm blood and tissue. ‘What time is it?’ he asked, disguising his movement to pinch the bridge of his nose and then rub his eyes.

‘You’ve plenty of time, yet,’ Mary Costello answered, tugging the sheet and rough, wool blankets up over his barrel chest, dropping down from her elbow to lie by his side, her head resting on his shoulder. ‘It’s barely gone five o’clock.’

When the telegram arrived in September 1916 to inform her that her husband had died for a King and Country which she didn’t consider to be her own, she’d never anticipated anybody but her children would share her bed again, let alone a Protestant policeman seven years her junior; a man who as a member of the Dublin Metropolitan Police had probably aided the British in the war for independence.

She knew what the neighbours thought of their tryst, but the neighbours could go to hell; they hadn’t had to live with the loneliness, the hunger, the cold and damp, the humiliation of being a single mother barely able to make ends meet. To try and save her modesty Harry ghosted in through the back yard late at night loaded with supplies, and slipped out again in the wee hours.

He tipped his head down so his cheek rested on her crown. ‘I’d better go,’ he mumbled. The only way to shift the vivid memories was to fill his lungs with cold morning air and plod the city streets. ‘I’ve got a couple of things I need to do.’

Mary didn’t move. ‘Harry …’

‘Sorry.’ He eased himself up, swinging his legs out of the bed, rubbing at the knotted scar tissue at the top of his left thigh.

‘Harry, stay a while longer.’

He reached down and picked his crumpled, uniformed trousers from the floor and shoved a hand into a pocket, withdrawing a couple of creased notes, placing them on the bedside locker. ‘For the children.’

‘Thanks, but there’s no need …’ she lied.

‘I know,’ he said standing, confirming the lie, ‘but they deserve a treat.’

She watched him dress, taking a clean shirt from the wardrobe, pulling on his tatty uniform. Tall, broad and sturdy, he would have made an excellent rower. At twenty eight he should by now have found himself a nice, young wife, settled down and started his own family. She felt a tinge of guilt and wondered how long Harry’s nightly visits would last and what she’d do once he’d gone.

He lent down and kissed her on the cheek. ‘I’ll see you tonight. I’ll bring a ham.’

‘Take care, Harry.’

‘Like always.’ He crept to the door, slid through it and down the stairs, and quietly exited the rear of the decrepit house. It was still dark, the sky overcast, a light drizzle falling, the air tinged with the taste of peaty smoke and the smell of stinking drains. He placed his hat over his short brown hair, his pug ears sticking out, and pulled his cape around him, tugging up the collar. There was a cafĂ© on the South quays which catered for dockers that was open all hours. He would pick up a hearty breakfast and some information before heading to Pearse Street station. He set off at a brisk pace, splashing through oily puddles, a noticeable limp in his gait.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Trust and Fear

I haven't posted a short story for a while, so I thought I'd push this one off into the wider world.

‘You have two options, Cathal – jump or be pushed. You can go in your time or mine. It’s up to you.’

‘There … there must be another way.’ It was dark on the balcony, barely underlit by light pollution from the street below, diffused through a fine drizzle. The thin bar of the railing had numbed his buttocks, his feet dangling into thin air, strong hands from behind holding him in place. You could see most of Dublin twinkling into the distance, the relatively flat skyline punctuated by the millennium spire and the twin towers of the Pigeon House power station in the harbour.

‘This business is all about trust and fear, Cathal. I don’t trust you. And fear, well that’s what this is about.’

‘I … I … I can change.’

‘No. No you can’t, Cathal. You’re a pathological liar and a junkie. You’ll always be a junkie.’

‘I ... I can. I’ll get you some money. Tomorrow. I’ll get it for you tomorrow.’

‘This isn’t about money, Cathal. It’s about respect. It’s about doing the job assigned to you. It’s about trust. I trusted you to deliver that consignment. It didn’t arrive.’

‘I … I …’ He was shaking now, unable to control his panic.

Neither man spoke for a few moments.

‘Where’s the consignment, Cathal?’

‘I … It’s … I’ll get it for you. I can get it back.’

‘Where is it, Cathal. You want to live, don’t you?’

‘It’s … I can’t.’

‘You can’t? You're more worried about someone else even though the only things keeping you alive at the moment are my hands?’ He jerked Cathal forward whilst holding him in place.

The world shifted in and out of focus. ‘Fuck! Shit … shit. Oh god!’

‘The only god here right now is me. And praying will make fuck all difference. What did you do with the drugs?’

‘I … I … Jesus. Jesus. Please, Jimmy.’

The hands jerked him forward dislodging his bony backside from the railing, but holding him aloft. The soles of his runners scrabbled for purchase on the wire-enforced glass, his hands seeking the railing.

‘Argh … h …. Argh … h. Fuck. Oh, fuck. Please. Please.’

‘The drugs, Cathal.’

‘Me da. Me da’s shed. Behind the bikes.’ It was a release to say it. To let go.

‘Your da?’ The hands dragged Cathal back onto the railing.

‘In his shed.’

‘Why are they in his shed, Cathal?’

‘I … he … we … fuck.’

‘Goodbye, Cathal.’

The hands caught him unawares pitching him forward into the void. The man had expected him to scream, but instead he tumbled silently until a dull thud.

Trust and fear. Reputation was everything.

‘My time,’ he mumbled to himself.

* * *

It took a while for the front door to be opened, light spilling from the hallway onto the driveway to reveal the sodden visitor.

‘Tommy.’

‘Jimmy.’

‘How are things?’

‘Like shite. Streets are full of gombeens and fuckheads regardless of how many we put away.’

‘The world is full of gombeens and fuckheads, Tommy; you’re wasting your time. Are you going to invite me or what?’

‘No.’

‘For fuck’s sake.’ He shook his head frustrated. ‘You’ve been pushing your nose into my business, Tommy.’

‘Every guard in the city is trying to stop people from putting your business up their noses.’

‘I want it back.’

‘I don’t think so.’

‘He shouldn’t have given it to you.’

‘You drove him to it, Jimmy. All your threats and posturing; he was scared stiff. I was the only person he felt he could trust.’

Jimmy snorted a laugh. Trust and fear. ‘If it ever came out what he was up to it could cause a lot embarrassment. He could go to prison.’

‘Better that path than yours.’

‘There might not be any path once news of the missing consignment reaches my partners.’

‘Is that a threat?’

‘That’s life. Some of them are not very forgiving, Tommy. You know how they work.’

‘Look, you better fuck off before you force me to take you down the station.’

‘I don’t think so. Brothers are, after all, brothers.’

‘Stay away from Cathal, Jimmy.’

‘I want the consignment back.’

‘No.’

‘Let me rephrase that. If you don’t give it me back they’re going to kill him.’

‘They’re going to what? He’s your nephew, Jimmy, not some fuckhead hood.’

‘Business is business. They don’t give a fuck that he’s family. I don’t give a fuck! He should have delivered the consignment.’

‘I can’t give it to you.’

‘Not even for your son? It’s just drugs, Tommy. Everyone gets their fix; nobody gets hurt.’

After a long pause Tommy eventually conceded. ‘They’re in the garage.’

Trust and fear.

‘Thank fuck,’ Jimmy muttered.

If that consignment wasn’t delivered he was a dead man.

A distant siren was starting to near.

* * *

Jimmy lifted the trunk of his battered red, 98 Toyota Corolla. ‘I told you I’d get them, Mr Doherty.’ The space was full of off-white, brick-sized bundles tightly wrapped in cling film.

‘I always knew you would, Jimmy. I always knew you would.’

Jimmy risked a sideways glance at Doherty. He was a short, wiry man in his early fifties, with salt and pepper hair cut short and stylish wire glasses.

‘It won’t happen again.’

‘I know, Jimmy.’ Doherty turned to face him.

‘There won’t be a problem with the courier either.’

‘I know that as well. You never told me your brother was in the guards, Jimmy.’

Doherty was a head shorter in height but radiated potential violence. His reputation preceded him, and if it didn’t then there was every chance that a smart mouth would discover it first hand. And if Doherty didn’t dish out the pain then his two companions would. Dressed all in black, they were standing off to one side in the deserted factory car park, keeping a close eye on their boss, the smaller of the two casually holding a handgun at his side. The larger bodyguard, his head shaved, had fists the size of turnips that were just as hard. Jimmy had felt their wrath and he had no desire to do so again.

‘Cat got your tongue?’

‘No, Mr Doherty.’

‘Your brother?’

‘He won’t be a problem. We have an understanding.’

‘Even after you pushed his son off the top of the Kilkee flats?’

Jimmy stayed silent.

‘The word is that he thinks Cathal was killed by his brother’s partners.’

‘I … I … look Mr Doherty I think …’

‘Shut the fuck up, Jimmy. The word is that he wants to take revenge on his son’s killer. There seems an obvious solution to me. What do …’

‘Look, Mr Doherty, I think there must be …’

The fist landed firmly in his stomach winding him. A boxer’s punch. Driven home. He folded in half. The knee arrived on cue, rocketing his head back, sending him reeling, skittering backwards trying to stay on his feet.

Doherty danced after him, grabbing him by the hair. ‘Don’t interrupt me Jimmy, y’hear? Ever.’

He tried to nod his head.

‘Y’hear?’

‘Yes, Mr Doherty.

‘Good man. So what you think the solution is then Jimmy?’

‘I’ll … I’ll talk to him. Let him know he’s making a mistake.’ He could feel a drip of blood sneaking from his nose, trailing to his upper lip. Instinctively his tongue darted out tasting its coppery tang.

‘And you think he’ll listen to you Jimmy? He’s going to listen to reason when he’s lost his only son?’

‘I … I don’t … I’ll get it sorted Mr Doherty. I got you the consignment back, I can …’

‘And what are you going to say?’ Doherty interrupted. ‘A big boy did it and ran away? He knows he was a junkie. He knows that he was mixed up with you. He knows how he died.’

‘He jumped! I didn’t touch him.’

‘Tell it to St Peter. You put him on the balcony, didn’t you? Hung him over the edge?’

‘I was trying to find out what he did with the consignment,’ Jimmy pleaded.

‘He should never have been trusted with the consignment in the first place!’ Doherty snapped. ‘What the fuck were you playing at?’

‘Playing at?’

‘Jesus, Jimmy, are you slow or something? As I said before, there seems an obvious solution to me. You’ll have two options – jump or be pushed.’

‘Look, Mr Doherty, I’m sure we can find another way.’

‘I don’t think so, Jimmy. Now shut the fuck up or Mac will pop you right now; I can’t stand a man who begs.’

* * *

The view from the balcony was spectacular, the city laid out before him, the Wicklow Mountains rising blue grey in the distance; off to the left was the slate green water of Dublin Bay. He peered over the edge of the rail careful not to put his hands on the graffiti etched wood.

Ten storeys below a group technicians from the Garda Technical Unit surrounded the prone body of his brother. He was lying only feet away from where his son had been found. Fifty metres back a small group of bystanders were congregated behind blue and white crime scene tape, some of them there for the second time in two days. A camera flash popped a couple of times.

What was it his brother used to mutter; his version of the criminal code. ‘Trust and fear, Tommy. It’s all about trust and fear.’ It seemed to him that it was much more about fear; real and imagined.

The message from Jimmy’s death was clear. To him it said, ‘Back off, the person who killed Cathal has paid the appropriate price.’ To the other hoods in the city it let them know the price of failure.

He shook his head slowly. Doherty could go fuck himself.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Short Story: Spirit of Fear

This is only my second short story. I wrote the other a couple of weeks ago and submitted it to an online magazine. For some reason I've always had a go at writing longer pieces. My intention is to put together a small collection over time around the theme of fear. Any feedback will be grateful received. On to the story ...

The two boys had been scrubbing white and black tiles for the past two hours. A metal bucket full of muddy coloured water was stationed close to their heads, its suds having long since disappeared. They were leaning towards each other whispering rumours and stories; speculating as to why another boy had just been admitted to the industrial school.

They didn’t hear Brother James creep up behind them.‘I told you no talking Michael Carter!’ The steel capped boot landed hard on the boy’s backside, pitching him forward into the bucket which duly tipped over, the filthy water flooding the corridor.

‘Don’t you understand simple English! No talking means silence.’ He kicked the prone boy on the shins, the child yelping with pain, trying to pull himself out of reach.

‘Now look what you’ve done.’ The middle aged man gestured at the large puddle of water. ‘I want this mopped up by the time I get back. Do you hear me? Every last drop. What’s left you’ll lick up. Dessie, come with me,’ he demanded of the other petrified child who was still kneeling, his socks and tweed breeches sopping wet.

The two boys shared an anxious look.

‘I said, come with me. Are you deaf, boy?’

A hand clamped on the child’s shoulder lifting him to his feet. The corridor echoed with their footsteps, a nervous patter accompanying assured thumps, the scowling portraits of former schoolmasters glaring at their progress.

The heavy oak door creaked open, Brother James ushering the boy into the office under his outstretched arm. The room was sparsely decorated containing an old desk - a wooden chair placed on either side - two bookcases, and a large enamel sink in the corner. The door closed behind him.

‘You need to be careful who you make friends with, Dessie,’ the Christian Brother said, his tone softening. ‘Michael Carter will be in prison by the time he’s twenty. Nothing good will ever come of him. You though … You could make something of your life. You have it up here …’ He tapped the side of his head. ‘With a bit of extra help you might become somebody. Do you understand what I’m saying?’

The boy stood stock still unsure how to answer. Brother James had a trigger temper. One minute he could be talking to you quite reasonably, the next you could be on the other side of the room, sore and bloody. For some reason the other boys nearly always received the beating that he should have at least shared equally. They’d both been whispering in the corridor, but it was Michael who’d been kicked and now he was being praised. He didn’t know why this was the case, but he knew the other boys resented it; bullied him because of it.

‘I’m trying to help you here, Dessie.’ He placed a hand on the boy’s head rubbing his hair affectionately. ‘Give you an opportunity that only a few boys get. You do want to make a success of your life, don’t you?’

‘Yes, Brother James.’ He said it because it was expected; because he knew the potential consequences of not saying yes. He’d seen Brother James kick a boy from one end of the corridor to the other; beat another with a thick leather belt that left ugly black welts that took a month to mottled to yellow before fading away.

‘And you do want to please the teachers, don’t you, Dessie?’

‘Yes, Brother James.’

‘Well I think we can come to some arrangement. Yes, yes, something that will ensure just that. It would mean extra effort on your behalf. Extra classes. Extra work. Do you think that you will be able for that?’

‘Yes, Brother James.’

‘Is that all you’ve got to say for yourself, Dessie, Yes, Brother James?’ the old man mocked.

‘Yes, I mean, thank you, Brother James.’ The boy glanced from the Brother to the door wondering why he’d been separated from Michael; wondering why the old man was being nice to him; why he always seemed to favour him.

‘Good, good. Since I’m helping you, Dessie, I want you to do something for me. Do you think you could do that?’

The boy stared unsure what he was being asked. ‘I … yes.’

‘Good. I’m glad we understand each other. This will be our little secret. We don’t want the other boys to become jealous now, do we?’

‘No, Brother James.’

‘Have you heard the saying that cleanliness is next to godliness?’

‘Yes, Brother James.’ The phrase was pinned to every bathroom door in the residential school.

‘In return for the private lessons I want you to help me wash; help me and you become closer to god. Help me wash away the grime and sins on my skin from all the boys in this place. You’ll help me do that, yes?’

The boy stayed silent unsure what to say, afraid to say, ‘No, I don’t want to wash you, Brother James.’

‘Don’t worry, every year I chose a boy to help and they in turn help me wash. The other brothers do likewise. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be clean, Dessie. It brings us closer to god. I’m going to get undressed now.’

Brother James locked the door and pocketed the key before removing his clothes, his gaze fixed on the boy who was staring at a spot on the wooden floor.

‘Come. Let’s move to the sink.’ He led the boy to the corner of the room, turned on the tap and gave him a sponge. ‘Now wash me. First my back.’


* * *

There was a knock on the door.

The white haired man issued the command without looking up. ‘Come in!’

A young man dressed in dirty jeans and checked shirt entered the office and took up a position on the far side of the desk. He glanced round quickly; the room was exactly as it had been ten years previously.

Finally Brother James looked up. He hadn’t aged well; his eyes puffy, his cheeks cracked with red capillaries. ‘Yes?’

‘You don’t remember me, Brother?’

The old man stared up at him and shook his head slowly. ‘No.’

‘My name is Dessie.’

‘Dessie?’ he said uncertainly. He shrugged, though his eyes betrayed recognition.

‘I was one of your chosen ones. Do you remember now?’

‘Chosen ones?’

‘You made us wash you, Brother. Over there by the sink. Scrub you with a sponge and kiss your mickey.’

‘What do you want, Dessie?’ The old man asked rising to his feet.

‘An apology. Justice. Some kind of retribution.’

‘I did nothing wrong, Dessie. We had a contract; I helped you with your studies and in return you washed me.’

‘You used to quote Matthew 17 to me, Brother James, amongst other things. Do you remember that?

Silence.

‘“Don't you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body?” You never gave me verses 18 to 20 though did you? Do you know what they are, Brother James?’

Silence.

‘I’ll tell you. “Don't you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man unclean. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what make a man unclean; but eating with unwashed hands does not make him unclean.”

‘“From out of the heart come evil thoughts.” That was you, wasn’t it? You picked defenceless children and you stole their innocence from them. You stole my innocence; my childhood. You said you were going to help me make a success of my life. Instead you ruined it.’

‘But we did help you, Dessie,’ Brother James said calmly but firmly. ‘We gave you a chance. If it wasn’t for us you’d have died long ago. What do you think would have happened to you if we hadn’t taken you in? You with no mother or father? You’d have starved to death.’

‘But you didn’t have to do the things that you did,’ Dessie said angrily. ‘The beatings, the torture, the abuse. None of us deserved that.’

Brother James smiled pityingly.

‘You took advantage of us; of your position. We were just boys.’

‘I think you should leave now, Dessie. I’ve let you say your piece.’ He started to move round the desk.

‘No, no. You’re going to wash me now. You’re going to …’

‘I don’t think so, Dessie. It’s time to ...’

‘I think you are Brother James.’ Dessie pulled a knife from the waistband of his trousers. ‘Get the sponge.’ He started to unbutton his shirt.

‘Give me the knife, Dessie,’ Brother James said firmly, ‘and we’ll say no more about it.’

‘I said, get the sponge, you fuckin’ pervert!’

‘Give me the knife, Dessie, before I call the police.’

‘Call them. We’ll tell them about what you do to young boys.’

‘Who do you think they’re going to believe, Dessie? A man of God or a mixed up young man wielding a knife?’

‘I said, get the …’

‘No! I’ve taken as much of this as I’m going to. Leave now or you’ll come to regret ever coming back here.’ Brother James stepped towards Dessie, his hand outstretched.

The knife jumped forward, crashing into ribs, sliding uneasily between ribs.

The old man’s eyes widened in surprise.

Dessie withdrew the knife and thrust it forward again. He felt a sharp blow to his own chest. He stepped back confused and Brother James folded to the wooden floor.

He experienced another blow to his ribs. He looked down but there was nothing there. Then everything turned black followed by flashes of white light. Slowly the world floated into focus.

‘You can’t sleep here, son, they’ll be opening up the shop shortly.’

He glanced up. A policeman was hovering over him. He realised where he was, curled up in a shop doorway, surrounded by empty pilsner cans. He’d been dreaming again; his revenge fantasy where Brother James had paid the ultimate price for his crimes. Of course it would never happen. He never wanted to see the old teacher again, let alone confront him. Deep down he knew he still possessed a spirit of fear; that he feared what the old man might do to him. He was probably still grooming and abusing young boys; safely protected by the Church and State. He would never be bought to justice – his kind never were. The most that might happen is that he’d moved to a different school where the process would begin again.

‘Did you hear me, son?’ the policeman repeated. ‘You’ll have to move on.’

‘Sorry, officer.’

‘You Irish?’

‘Yes, officer.’

‘Why don’t you go back to Ireland rather than coming over here to sleep on the streets.’

‘I’m not wanted there, officer. I’m surplus to requirements.’

‘You’re not wanted here, son, either. We’ve enough lay-abouts and drunks as it is without your kind coming here.’


Note:

The Ryan Report into the systematic and routinized sexual abuse within Irish educational institutions run by various Catholic religious orders, and its subsequent cover up, was published in May 2009.