Review of Vanilla Ride by Joe Lansdale (2009, Vintage Crime)

One of Hap Collins and Leonard Pine’s old friends needs a favour – his granddaughter has fallen in with a gang of drug dealers and her boyfriend beats her. He’d snatch her back and put her in rehab himself except for his health and the fact that he’d be taking on a gang of much younger and fitter men. Hap and Leonard might be getting on themselves, but they’re still reasonably fit and they have the confidence of surviving for years through their wits and violence. Grabbing the girl is eventful, but works out fine. Unfortunately, by flushing a valuable the drugs down the toilet, they annoy those above the bottom feeders – the Dixie Mafia. To assert their authority they need to make an example of Hap and Leonard, only they’ve badly under-estimated the task. After a bloody street battle, Hap and Leonard find themselves in jail facing charges, but there’s an offer on the table – to track down the wayward son of a Dixie member. They agree to the job, but it’s soon clear that they are not the only ones seeking the son, the Dixie Mafia still want them dead, and the legendary assassin, Vanilla Ride, is on their trail.

If Lansdale could churn out a daily dose of Hap and Leonard stories, I could quite happily read nothing but them and be satisfied. In my view, Hap and Leonard are the best double act in crime fiction today, and Lansdale the best proponent of comic crime. I loved Vanilla Ride from the first page to the last - my jaw ached from grinning so much. The writing is excellent – expressive, taut, quick paced, funny – and the dialogue is first class. The characterisation is a little caricaturish at times, but that goes with the territory with these kinds of novels. The plot is well constructed and it would easily translate to the big screen. I’ve nothing bad to say about it. If you have a rough and ready sense of humour then read this book – you won’t regret it.

Saturday Snippet: Vanilla Ride by Joe Lansdale

I picked up a copy of Vanilla Ride by Joe Lansdale this afternoon and boy am I looking forward to reading it. Hap Collins and Leonard Pine are two of my favourite characters. If you haven't tried one of their stories then make haste to your nearest store or fire up Amazon, Book Depository, or whoever you use and get your mitts on one. The man sure can write. Here's the opening few lines of Vanilla Ride.

I hadn't been shot at in a while, and no-one had hit me in the head for a whole month or two. It was kind of a record, and I was starting to feel special.

Brett and I were upstairs in our little rented house, lying in bed, breathing hard, having just arrived at the finish line of a slow, sweet race that at times can seem like a competitive sport, but when played right, even when you're the last to arrive, can make you feel like a winner.

In that moment, life was good.

Brett sat up and fluffed her pillow behind her back and pushed her long bloodred hair to the side with one hand, shoved her chest forward in a way that made me feel mighty lucky, said, "I haven't had that much fun since I pistol-whipped a redheaded midget."

I'm only a few pages in, but the writing is tight, dry and witty, with great banter. A couple more lines.

Used to, you could leave your wallet on the porch swing and no one would bother it. These days, you left a cheese grater out, someone would steal the holes.

And:

Leonard said, "Man you could have at least put on pants. That robe is a little too peekaboo."

"My motto," I said, "is if you've got it, flaunt it."

"What you're flauntin' is enough to make a man turn a gun on himself," Leonard said.